Here are three observations about ADHD you may have never heard. Our Expert Family Therapist, Gary Unruh, has given us some facts to help us better understand ADHD and help those we love who may be diagnosed.
It’s ADHD month. Everyone knows ADHD kids are hyperactive and often a pain to be around. Did you know a person can have ADHD and not be hyperactive? Some people with ADHD don’t deal with the hyperactivity aspect but still have a really hard time focusing (inattentive type). And most of the time, ADHD continues into adult life.
ADHD is a really confusing medical condition because it looks like the person with ADHD is just being lazy: homework doesn’t get done, chores are forgotten, and adults miss appointments and put off work or projects until the last minute. Failure is the norm.
Three major problems emerge in children and adults who have untreated or improperly treated ADHD:
1. They can’t remember things the way other people do. The more severe the disorder, the more an ADHD person literally can’t remember to do things like fill out a planner or enter an appointment in their iPhone (let alone show up on time!).
2. They can’t exert adequate effort with boring or semi-boring tasks. Given that many daily chores or responsibilities are less than exciting, people with ADHD experience a lot of failure. But it’s just because they’re lazy and irresponsible, right? No! Most of the reason is a brain problem that makes it difficult to start or complete tasks unless they’re really interesting. Of course, part of the problem is not wanting to do uninteresting things. But it’s mostly a brain problem for ADHD folks and less of a “lazy” problem.
3. They can’t decipher all the “lazy, irresponsible” labels put on them as anything other than “I’m a big fat failure.” Every one of the more than 1,000 child and adult clients I’ve seen in the last forty years has said this to me in one way or another. Child clients typical report: “I’m just lazy; I’m really dumb-after all, I’m getting C’s and D’s”; or “I gave up in middle school; now that I’m a sophomore, I really can’t get myself to do homework-I don’t know if I can even finish high school.”
Adult clients give me these comments: “My wife gets so fed up with my impulsive stuff-you know, interrupting all the time and buying things we can’t afford”; or “Throughout my career, my bosses always say I’m a good person and smart, but inevitably, I miss too many meetings, and am way too late on most projects. I’m going to lose my current job if I don’t shape up. I can’t figure out why I’m such a failure.”
How do I know about these “can’ts?” Forty years of counseling and having ADHD myself have taught me a thing or two. There are answers-and they don’t include stopping the “over diagnosing of ADHD.” (There is some misdiagnosing going on, but the condition is actually under diagnosed.) The ADHD condition is as real as cancer. But there’s good news: When properly treated all three of those “can’ts” turn into “cans.” ADHD counseling, with medication when needed, works wonders. Start proper ADHD treatment and watch suffering stop and potential flourish.
