Most of us moms are a little more than guilty of trying to convince our children to take the safe route in everything. I know – I’ve done it, too. We want our kids to grow and learn in the world, but we also want to protect them from physical injury, disappointment and heartache.
The problem is, providing a bubble for your children to live in does them a great disservice. The risks they take, and the subsequent successes and failures, is a great part of what builds character and shapes them into who they will become. It’s what prepares them to function independently and healthily once they’re out on their own.
So how do you encourage your kids to take more risks without feeling like you’re failing in your responsibility to protect them? How do you give them the opportunity to take a chance every now and then without encouraging recklessness? Here are five ideas:
Get a Handle of Your Own Fears First
I am deathly, mortifyingly, ridiculously terrified of bridges – particularly large suspension bridges over vast bodies of water. The older I get, the worse the fear seems to become. My husband, on the other hand, loves them and takes every opportunity he gets to share his wonder of the engineering with our children.
Now, I will admit, I have not always been graceful in these situations. If I had my way, we’d drive 300 miles out of the way just to avoid having to cross a bridge. There may be some lasting indentations on the passenger side car handle from the death grip of my terror. However, I do try very hard to mask my fear when faced with the situation.
I face my fears, because I don’t want to project my fears onto my children. I don’t want them to be scared to live in the moment simply because mama is scared. My children may be more like their father when it comes to admiration of bridges, and that would be a good thing. Why would I want to take that away from them and make them a servant to a fear that wasn’t even their own to begin with? We must be willing to let go and take a chance ourselves before our children will realize it’s ok to do so.
Prep Their Pride
Most kids have a natural curiosity, making them little risk takers on some level. While we should protect them from and admonish careless recklessness, we should also recognize the times they act bravely.
As your children grow and explore the world, make it a point to praise them when they take small risks. Your encouragement in the little things builds their self-pride, which will be the foundation they need to be confident when taking larger risks.
Take Advantage of Teaching Opportunities
Depending on the age of your child, most kids love to “help out” their parents, even if the project isn’t totally appropriate for children. At my home, we’ve recently had a problem with pesky deer eating our wooden fence. In an attempt to correct the problem, my husband was installing Havahart deer repellents around our fence line. My son desperately wanted to “help”. Instead of saying no, as we usually would have, my husband guided my son in the placement of the repellents, while explaining why we were using animal-friendly products to deter the deer. By turning a “no” moment into a teaching moment, my son got to experience something new and learn a bit about our family values.
Be Compassionate
Taking new risks can be scary, and your kids need to know it’s okay to be afraid. They also need to know they can do something even when they are a little scared. Tell them a story about a time you were afraid to do something but did it anyway, and how proud you were of yourself afterward.
Above all, never poke fun at your child for his or her fears. Even if it’s all in good nature from your point of view, saying things like, “You’re not a scaredy-cat, are you?” and other negative comments can leave lasting scars on your child’s self-image.
Showcase Their Achievements
There’s nothing quite like seeing what you’ve already accomplished to motivate you to do more. Keep a scrapbook, journal, notebook or some other record of your children’s achievements you can all look back on from time to time.
Using this record, you can point out accomplishments your child would have never made had they not been willing to take a risk. This is great for reinforcing self-esteem, but it’s also a wonderful tool when your child is hesitant to try something new. It serves as proof your child is brave and can accomplish great things when he or she is willing to step out on a limb and take the chance.
Give Them Freedom
It is quite difficult, if not impossible, to take a real risk if mama or daddy are standing there giving step-by-step instructions. Of course, you should be there for encouragement, help and support when needed, but give your child room to make mistakes. After all, it’s not really a risk if you know there’s a safety net to catch you.
Being willing to take risks separates the ordinary from the extraordinary. Teach your children how to be responsible risk-takers, and they will have the skills they need to excel in life. What are some ways you’ve encouraged risk-taking in your children?
| Savannah Marie is a mom, writer and consultant for Vista College. She enjoys spending time with her family, reading anything she can get her hands on and learning to balance work and home life. |
