This week a video came out of two moms fighting in a Walmart. It was sad to see, but the worst part was one mom’s young son getting in on the fight. The mother was encouraging him to fight. This child is headed down a road full of pain if he continues the way he is going. It was a stark reminder that I need to be conscious about what I am teaching my kids.
A recent survey out of Harvard and the university’s Making Caring Common project said “out of 10,000 kids at a range of middle and high schools in the US in 2013 to 2014…nearly 80% said that their parents taught them that personal happiness and high achievement were more important than caring for other people.” The study also shared that there are five ways to show kids that kindness matters.
1) Kids need opportunities to practice being kind. Kids learn kindness in the same way they learn to talk and read. They learn how to be kind from the adults around them. This could mean helping another child clean their room or practice their multiplication facts. This could mean visiting a local homeless shelter or retirement community.
2) Children need to build a wider “circle of concern.” Children need to learn to “zoom in” on individuals, and truly listen to them. They also need to be able to “zoom out” to see a bigger picture—effectively, learning to put human experience in context. This is a lesson many adults need to learn as well.
3) Kids need role models. If the adults around them are showing concern and kindness, they will mirror that behavior.
4) Help children manage destructive feelings. Shame, anger, and jealousy are normal feelings, but children need to learn how to address them. According to the researchers, “Children are “moral philosophers,” …When adults spark children’s thinking with ethical questions they put issues of injustice on children’s radar and help children learn how to weigh their various responsibilities to others and themselves.”
5) Adults should stop passing the buck. Adults need to constantly be aware of what they are teaching the children around them. What values are we instilling in our children and children we interact with?
Don’t feel bad if you haven’t been intentional about teaching kindness to your children. Today is a good day to start showing your kids what it means to reach out and help others, to be sympathetic, to really be kind.
