We spend years teaching our children our “mother tongue” and how to communicate effectively. Think of all the hours we put into reciting the alphabet with them, teaching them manners, proper grammar and how to read. Why is it then, that by the time these little gems are teenagers we start realizing that their language is NOT really our language at all! In fact, I am pretty certain at this point that my 3 kids have teamed up against me and decided that the English language just isn’t their thing. Why? Because clearly they don’t understand a word I say!! Here are 20 things I say on a regular basis, and how my kids interpret it.
Mom says: I need to use the bathroom
Kid hears: Ask me a million questions through the door, start crying, breathe heavily and whimper. Stick small toys under the door.
Mom says: Please put your backpack away
Kid hears: please throw your backpack on the floor so I can trip over it and throw out my back.
Mom says: dinner time!
Kid hears: please keep playing Minecraft, we will happily wait another hour for you to finish building your world.
Mom says: Have you done your homework?
Kid hears: please tell me the whole story about the funny joke you made during Math class….4 years ago.
Mom says: Clean your room
Kid hears: shove everything under your bed
Mom says: Take your shoes off by the door
Kid hears: Take one shoe off by the door and the other shoe off in the bathroom. Also leave your pants on the bathroom floor while you’re at it.
Mom says: eat all your dinner
Kid hears: play with your food, tell me your tummy hurts and that you desperately need to go to the bathroom RIGHT NOW.
Mom says: don’t forget to brush your teeth!
Kid hears: wet your toothbrush and put it back in the holder
Mom says: get dressed please
Kid hears: stand in the middle of the living room with one sock on and watch cartoons
Mom says: we need to go grocery shopping
Kid hears: please ask me for every treat in the store, I would love to buy you all the candy bars and ice cream
Mom says: Shhh, I’m on the phone
Kid hears: now would be a perfect time to get into a fight with your sibling!
Mom says: it’s bedtime
Kid hears: You’re starving, thirsty and need to empty your bladder 3 times.
Mom says: close the fridge please
Kid hears: close the fridge and leave all the cupboard doors open
Mom says: go find something to do
Kid hears: dump your entire tub of Legos on the living room floor, please!
Mom says: go to the bathroom before we leave
Kid hears: please wait 20 minutes more and pee your pants at Target
Mom says: stop running in the house
Kid hears: run faster and bust your head open. Stitches are fun!
Mom says: smile for the camera!
Kid hears: push your sibling, close your eyes and sneeze.
Mom says: Be nice to the kitty.
Kid hears: Grab the cat’s tail
Mom says: don’t eat in your room
Kid hears: hide all the juice boxes and snack wrappers between your bed and wall
Mom says: I love you
Kid hears: you want that new Lego set?
What would you add to the list?
