It is difficult, as a parent, to explain what happened at Sandy Hook Elementary School yesterday when we can barely wrap our heads around it. But this is the time our children need us the most. This is the time when they are turning to us for reassurance that they are safe.
Despite the intense coverage that school shootings receive, schools are, in fact, some of the safest places for young children. The most recent statistics from 2010 show that 17 children were killed in U.S. schools – less than 2% of child homicides that year, according to David Finkelhor of the Crimes Against Children Research Center at the University of New Hampshire (reported by TIME). Even with these statistics, it is hard not to ignore the mass tragedy that happened yesterday. It is hard not to question our decisions as parents, and not ask the question “ARE our kids safe at school?” If this can happen in a small town in Connecticut, what is preventing it from happening anywhere in the Pikes Peak region?
Even if we don’t have the answers, and do not fully understand how and why this happened, it is our job as parents to help our children process through the tragedy, just as we are processing through it with our friends/family/colleagues.
Here are 5 Tips to help you talk with your children about tragedy.
- Children need to be reassured that they are safe and you, as their parents will do your best to keep them safe. They need to be comforted and know they are loved.
- Ask them questions and let them ask questions. You can get a better understanding of whet they’ve heard and how they are feeling. ‘What did you hear? What do you think?’ In relation to the Sandy Hook school shooting they may have a lot of questions about school safety. As the parent, you need to give them correct information and that can help them feel better, but don’t overload them with information.
- Use it as a teaching moment. This is an opportunity for you to teach them about helping others in tragedy. You can show them the good work the police, firefighters. and counselors are doing in the situation.
- Turn off the TV. Remember that children don’t need to see the replays on television over and over. They will do better if they aren’t constantly hearing about what happened.
- Empower kids to feel useful during times of tragedy. Kenneth Dodge, director of the Center for Child and Family Policy at Duke University, suggests having your kids write letters to the students at Sandy Hook (912 Dickinson Dr., Sandy Hook, CT 06482), make signs of support, send photos, etc. Making your kids feel useful in a helpless situations relieves stree and fear.
Most children will ask some questions about what happened in Connecticut, draw a picture, inquire about death or what “being dead” means – and move on. For those who seem fixated on the details and worried about their safety even after several weeks go by, it’s a good idea to seek advice from a pediatrician or psychologist.
