I am guilty of accidental parenting. Have you heard of it? Are you one yourself? Are you bothered by it or do you just accept it as the way things are? Are there 12 step programs for us? “Hello, my name is Brandi and I use props. I am an accidental parent.”
A definition of an accidental parent according to the Baby Whisperer, is as follows: “In the heat of the moment parents sometimes do anything to make their baby stop crying or to get a toddler to calm down. Often, the ‘anything’ turns into a bad habit that they later have to break. That’s accidental parenting.”
I began our pattern early. We co-sleep. I got into the habit of nursing Leelu back to sleep every time she stirred because I didn’t want to disturb my husbands rest. He had to work. He had to be functional. I let this be my way, not thinking how it would impact me or the baby in the long run. In the beginning I would get up out of bed, and move to the living room so as to further keep from waking him. I was, I believed, completely selfless in my actions. But even selfless acts that are not thoroughly thought out can bite us back. Which in my case, bit very hard. Mine might be extreme, who knows. But I created a child who now, at over a year old wakes up at least 4x a night. Yes. I said at LEAST 4x. (I can sense the gasping and sharp intakes of breath from readers.)
This is not her fault. I did this. And now I have to try to break it. Much to both her and my husbands chagrin. She is capable of self soothing of course. I just have to teach her it’s okay. We have been working on it for a couple weeks now. She’ll wake up and I will help her sooth herself back to dream time (for she’s not fully awake, after all) without nursing. I have not cut out night nursing completely. We are down to halftime. I must ease her into a new routine. In the long run it will benefit everyone. She herself should not have such interrupted sleep. And I haven’t had more than 3 straight hours in over 18 months. Whew.
Have you become an Accidental Parent? Does your baby need a swing, stroller or ride in the car to fall asleep? What other forms of accidental parenting habits are you trying to break?
