Parenting is a touchy subject. It’s an emotional issue because it’s easy to interpret any advice as something you aren’t doing right. It can make you feel mad, guilty, or helpless. With that said, read the following with an open mind.
Overall, I think as parents (I have a 2 ½ year old and a 6 month old), that we overprotect them. We try to give them everything and do everything with the notion that the opportunity we present them, the better outcomes as an adult that will happen. We focus on the greatness of our child to the point that our expectations get unrealistic to their life path.
I think this is doing more harm than good. There’s not a human process on the planet that doesn’t make someone stronger unless it has been challenged. For you to physically get stronger, you literally have to tear your body apart so it builds back up stronger. Failure is the key to success.
I think on some level, we all get that. The parents I want to speak to are the ones that not focus so much on the greatness but the failures of their child.
I can’t tell you how many moms I’ve talked with that feel they are a failure because their kid is essentially not perfect. They focus on the slight few things that the child has problems attaining.
For example, I sat with a frustrated mom because she felt her kid didn’t eat anything. She was worried that her child was going spontaneously regress because the child wouldn’t eat her vegetables. I let her vent, get her emotions out, and tell her story.
When she was done, I asked if her daughter like to eat apples? “Yes, she loves apples.” Does your daughter like to eat chicken? “Yes, that’s her favorite.” I kept naming foods that were awesome for her daughter and rarely did I get a “no, she doesn’t like that.”
It turned out that her daughter had quite an extensive pallet for nutritious food. Then you could almost see the figurative light bulb go off above her head and a big smile showed. She said, “Now that you put it that way, she does eat a lot, she is going to be fine, and I’m just focusing on those few foods that I can’t get her to eat. In fact, she even asks for asparagus so I can’t say she doesn’t eat vegetables.”
What I want you to take away from this post is that it’s good for your kids to fail. It’s ok for them to get hurt. It’s also good for the parent to lower your expectations with your kids. I didn’t say compromise your values or give in to whining but let them develop emotionally before putting massive amounts of pressure to achieve on their plate (no pun intended).
When I say I want you to take away, I really mean I need to take away those points and have a constant reminder to myself that healthy and perfect is not synonymous.
| Dr. Kurt writes from either his home or office in Colorado Springs where he enjoys life with his wife Lindsay, and sons Kalin and Lukas. They have 2 dogs, Boots and Jersey, that are Boston Terrier/English Bulldog mixes. He’s known to play a little guitar, play a little basketball, and when time allows it, soak in the 300 days of sunshine that Colorado Springs boasts. He hopes his blogs will fire you up and get you focused on asking the kind of questions that will produce real health for you and your family.
<strong><em>To read more of Dr. Kurt’s articles visit his My719Daddy Blogger page!</em></strong> |
