To all the moms that are constantly on top of their kids’ clutter. Bravo! Truly, you have my respect. But some days I feel like the bane of my existence is the state of my kid’s bedrooms. Most of the time I am quite happy to just close their doors and not have to look (or think) about the clutter that awaits on the other side (cue Adele)… but then the responsible mom in me harps on them to clean it up, and after a while I get really brave and check under their beds. Shudder. And that’s where I usually step in to help. It’s not pleasant, but with two teenage girls and a 9-year-old son it has to be done! During my last “Clean Fest” yesterday, I learned some things about myself and them in the process…
Patience truly is a virtue
It’s not easy as a mom to instill the “no eating in your room” rule, and then find 10 Yoohoo boxes, an old bowl of ice cream and a microwaveable dinner under your teenagers bed! My first instinct was to yell “Seriously?!” and lecture her for 2 hours, and then binge watch “Hoarders” together…sigh. (I’m still seriously considering the latter) But instead I used it as a teaching opportunity. The moment you lose your cool, kids shut down and shut you out. Your goal is to get the room clean, not belittle or degrade them. Usually the good old “this is a great way to attract bugs to come sleep with you at night” is good enough to make them reconsider their choices! Just be calm, mama. It’s goes a long way!
I’m part of the problem
Clutter. Where does it come from? As I was sorting through clothes, and knick knacks and random accessories and sooooo many stuffed animals, I had to ask myself a sobering question. “How much of this stuff came from you?” Most of the clutter I was sorting through were things my kids had received as gifts or from shopping trips. We buy things for our kids, and expect them to become professional organizers. It’s not fair. As an adult, I still struggle with my own clutter! How can I expect my 9 – 16 year olds to perfectly manage theirs? They don’t always know where to put everything in a small space. They still need to be taught things that are honestly still hard for me to learn!
It also made me reconsider my gifting habits… kids hold on to things out of obligation. My daughter had a shoebox filled with candy wrappers and old trinkets from her stocking stuffers, probably because she saw them as “gifts” and felt bad about throwing them out. We have to teach our kids that it’s ok to let things go! My mantra is, if you haven’t used it in 6 months, it’s either trash or someone else’s treasure (give it away!)
Some questions to ask while sorting through your children’s rooms are:
- Do I like it?
- Do I need it?
- Do I use it?
- Could someone enjoy it more than I?
They are amazing little humans
Their bedroom is their world, and as you’re spending time in there cleaning and organizing you catch glimpses of how amazing they really are. I loved coming across thank you notes and cards from friends telling my child how much they mean to them, old family photos stuck to their mirror, art work they’ve done that are true mini masterpieces, books they’re reading, school assignments they gave their all. Sitting there amidst my child’s “junk” was actually a treasure hunt, and I loved all the reminders of how special my little humans are.
Decluttering is FREEING (for the kids too)
Kids think they love living in chaos and clutter, but every time we do a deep cleaning they always say “I love how my room feels when it’s this clean”. Hard work always pays off. Mom feels better, the kids feel better. Even their attitudes change when their rooms are clean! There is a tangible burden that is lifted when their rooms are organized. Life feels lighter. I make it a point to say “Wow, look how amazing your room looks, and I love how it feels in here”. Helping them recognize that it’s more than just a clean room, but that it also improves moods and the feeling in the home will help them have positive feelings about cleaning and staying tidy.
The family that cleans together stays together
When we clean, we bond. We joke about the silly things we find, we reminisce about memories past when we come across old pictures, gifts and accessories. We problem solve together when we figure out where to put things and what things would be good to donate. Cleaning with the family promotes quality time and a sense of pride as you take care of what’s yours. I am learning that cleaning is so much more than just cleaning when it comes to kids! Remember that these moments are precious teaching opportunities and you’ll start viewing a messy room as an opportunity and not necessarily a burden.
