Go Play!

I’ve battled finding my place as a mother and knowing who I am in that role. My dilemma comes from many areas, but primarily the fact that I tend to compare myself to others far more than I should. Most of us are guilty of that. I was raised to be very independent and self-sufficient. I grew up in Durango, Colorado in a small neighborhood where the houses were not close together, there were not that many other kids for me to play with and my only sibling was much older and had moved out by the time I was 5. My parents were caretakers of a ranch that required them to be on call basically 24/7. I had no choice but to entertain myself and I learned very quickly to love nature, love the ponds and rivers and mountains. I look back on my childhood and there were no elaborate birthday parties and goody bags every year, my parents were not constantly entertaining me, I was expected to help out around the house and I used my imagination Every. Single. Day. And you know what? I loved every minute of my childhood; I had a blast.

I want to be a great mom. I mean a GREAT mom. I want my kids to love me more than anyone else and when someone asks, “who’s your hero?” I want the answer to be, “my mommy”. Here’s where I struggle. I start to feel guilty when I see other parents constantly taking their kids to do things, constantly playing with them, going places having fantastic birthday parties… You get the idea. I’ve had times where I feel guilty going to the gym and dropping them off at childcare because I just need a break. And I’ve definitely had times where I’ve felt guilty for telling them to go play by themselves. I’ve come to realize though, all these things I’ve felt guilty for are actually good things. I am setting boundaries for my children. I am teaching them that there are times for work and times for play. I am teaching them to be independent and self-sufficient. I’m teaching them they can’t have everything they want all the time and sometimes imagination is the best toy. And so what if I didn’t throw a giant party with elaborate goodie bags for the past two years? We’ve had more fun making forts with pillows at home and next year when I do have a nice party, it won’t be expected, instead it will be appreciated and it will mean that much more to them. Let your kids be kids. Create memories instead of buying them stuff they don’t need. Say no to them now and then. Take breaks for yourself. Enjoy this time with them, but don’t feel guilty when you tell them to “go play” and stop comparing yourself to everyone else.